Balancing Work, Play and Guilt

Most of us would agree that balancing work and family time is one of the hardest tasks under the parenting banner. Whether we work from home or head out to a workplace, either way, most of us feel we are carrying an endless to-do list up Mt Everest. No matter how fit we are for this marathon, there seems to always be one complicating factor—guilt. We are plagued by guilt that we are:

a) Compromising our relationships with loved ones

b) Not adequately fulfilling our work.

So if finances allowed, would giving up work be the answer?

Speaking with parents over the years that have chosen not to work, they report that there is often a lingering voice that questions dwindling life purpose and internal battles with resentment. So the big question is—“Is there a way to have a career that you love that honours your family commitments and enables one to be delightfully fulfilled and free of guilt??”

That’s a great question and I have no set answer on how to achieve that, other than that I personally believe we can manifest anything in our lives that we truly desire—including work/life balance. I am not suggesting it is easy but neither is dropping 3 dress sizes, training for a marathon or buying a house—any goal takes vision, commitment and effort. I am also not suggesting that once you feel that you have work/life balance there won’t be a constant dance, an ebb and flow. There certainly will be, and this keeps life fresh and exciting. Who wants ‘Ground-Hog Day’ anyway? … Not me!

TEN IDEAS ON DANCING WITH THE CHAOS & AVOIDING GUILT

Most of us find that we slip into hyper-parenting trying to meet everyone’s needs and it is hilarious really if we step back and look at everything we have on our plate. Amidst the daily grind we try to ensure our partners and children are happy and healthy (and achieving their to-do lists). We try to meet our work dead lines, avoid our household being condemned and, somewhere along the lines, exercise and commit to our own self-care. There are weeks where this is manageable, but often it is the guilt of feeling that we are not really doing any of these roles well that one needs to conquer first.

# ONE – See the humour in trying to be Wonder-Woman or Super-Dad – and surrender to not being able to do it all.

On any given day realize some tasks will not be completed. Here’s an example: just wear shoes if the kitchen floor is sticky (AGAIN). Honestly, once the kids are asleep, would you rather finish a work project or be a diligent housekeeper? Admit defeat NOW to being able to complete EVERY task for EVERY role that you have EVERYDAY. This way you free yourself of expectation and if you do then complete everything it’s a BONUS!!

# TWO – Watch your thoughts.

I try to make sure that I am not running a mental dialogue of “I never have enough time in my day” which breeds stress. Instead, replace that with “I have ample time to complete anything that I desire today”… Our thoughts create our reality.

# THREE – Get up before your kids and have some time to yourself to exercise or mediate.

This way I feel that I am not rushing into the day without the opportunity to connect with spirit, my vision and goals.

# FOUR – Allocate Tasks.

With no blame and no judgment have regular conversations with your partner about how you can both share parenting jobs and allocate different tasks. I find this saves the guesswork and unfair games adults play at times—these waste time and energy.

If you are a single parent then decide if you can outsource certain tasks.

# FIVE – Plan Ahead.

Check to see that all uniforms and clothes are ready the night before and I’d recommend planning what foods you’ll all have for breakfast and lunch the night before as well. I am not really a fan of pre-making school lunches in the evening, I may make quiches or quinoa salads etc but prefer not to pre-make sandwiches or cut fruits, as these foods loose their nutritional value.

# SIX – Let kids be kids.

Take some of the pressure off by remembering that it is okay that our children are not entertained 24-7, its important they realise that for decades of time children have not only survived, but thrived without technology by playing imaginary games, building secret hide-outs in the garden, reading books, etc.

# SEVEN – Stay Light Hearted and Laugh

There is also great value in staying light-hearted as much as we can as parents. Yes, it takes longer to have children cook with us and make breakfasts with us, etc, but in doing so we are able to teach them many things. Obviously we can’t do this everyday but I like to remind myself that my children are constantly observing me—my bad behaviours as well as my efforts.

Commit to laughing regularly throughout the day. There are so many golden moments with little people around but also learn the art of laughing at yourself and the human ego, such as our need to be acknowledged and our need to be right. Honestly, some days my ego is hilarious.

# EIGHT – Give Children a Checklist.

I believe we serve our children well by giving very clear guidelines about how they need to contribute to the household. Create a morning and evening checklist—this saves the nagging and your energy.

# NINE – Whatever you are doing in that moment, be present to that.

Enjoy the experience you are having in that moment rather then letting guilt (for other tasks) creep in. Easier said then done, I know.

# TEN – Slow life down.

Commit to fewer activities in your week and avoid the noise and time pressures that television also creates. Life is busy enough without TV being on during the school week.

Please know I am not suggesting I have all the answers here. Believe me, there are weeks where I feel lost in the juggling act and yet, when I return to the basics, my heart begins to sing again. These are simply ideas that may help create the work/life balance for you and your tribe.

With love and respect,

Dr Jennifer Barham-Floreani

B.App.Clin.Sci, B.Chiropractic