Insecurities – we all have them and we don’t like them, but they are there in all of their glory. At one point it was very hard for me to accept the fact that we are all insecure about at least one thing, if not more. I have trouble accepting the idea that not having a certain body type or look, not having a certain paycheck, having a seemingly less than ideal or unusual upbringing or family, not feeling like you are capable of pursuing something that excites you or draws you in, and not feeling like you’re worthy of being accepted or loved because of how you are, could make someone NOT follow their heart, their dreams, NOT allow themselves to be vulnerable in the world and share their gifts, NOT set the bar higher so they could achieve what they wanted, NOT go out with friends because they don’t like how they look, NOT feel confident to be themselves. Feeling insecure bothers me because not only does it immediately place limits on oneself but additionally, the reasons behind any insecurity, are actually not true; we just make ourselves believe that they are true based on references that may or may not even be real either.
Recently I noticed that I had gotten myself in a habit of ignoring insecurities about myself. I just thought if I ignored it, pushed it away and tried to convince myself otherwise, that I wouldn’t feel insecure about anything. While I believe that re-programming your mind to flip-flop the insecure feeling to a more confident and positive one is possible and incredibly effective, you won’t get there by just ignoring the feeling. Ignoring the insecurity or uncomfortable feeling is one thing, but actually facing the fear and insecurity, right in the face, acknowledging it, looking into why it’s there, and addressing it, is another.
They say, “That which you resist, persists.” I bet you can all agree that this has been true for you at some point in your life. You can apply this to any idea or feeling you have, whether it’s about your life work or any of your relationships. If you keep feeling pulled in one direction but keep ignoring or avoiding it, ask yourself, am I scared to explore this because it is unknown, because I may get hurt, because I don’t feel like I’m good enough or that I’ll get what I want? I strongly believe that if you feel a strong feeling that keeps persisting, and you ignore it, than you better believe that that feeling with resurface until you actually DO something about it.
When I say DO something, I don’t mean impulsively react, but rather, acknowledge it and ask yourself why you might be feeling drawn there and why you don’t want to go there. This simple act of just acknowledging the feeling in an objective way, WITHOUT JUDGMENT on yourself, will help you see your motives and intentions clearly so that you can make a better decision for yourself.
However, you cannot make good decisions for yourself if you allow insecurities and fears to fuel them, to be the basis behind them. When you do this, you come from a place of lack and therefore you will attract more lack.
When it comes to the insecurities that you have about yourself, don’t worry about eliminating them completely, but rather, acknowledge them and decide NOT to feed your energy into that idea. Say, “Thank you fear or insecurity for showing me what is holding me back, however you are not real and I don’t have to let you control my actions because I am stronger than that! “ Then, switch your focus to your strengths. Don’t try to fight your fears or insecurities, but rather work with them, become friends with them, and tell them that you don’t have time to invest in them.
Eventually, as you CHOOSE to redirect your attention to your strengths and the good things that are happening within and around you, your insecurity will fade and dim. As a flower stem breaks through the top layer of the soil, you will build yourself strong enough to break through those limiting beliefs and grow tall.
The more you stand strong and push yourself, talk to yourself, and tell yourself that you are a gift to the world and it’s necessary for you to just be yourself, the more confident you will feel and the more things you will accomplish that move you and light you up! Always remember that you WILL be loved and that you ARE loved for being just you – all your quirks, etc. You are you for a reason. You didn’t come here on Earth to try to fit a different mold. You were specifically made the way you are to share your unique energy with all of us.
I used to have a fear that I would be friendless or lose people in my life if I accepted myself as I was and accepted how I was growing and changing. But it’s important to remember that you will have friends, be accepted, and be loved if you just be yourself. You will actually be MORE loved if you are yourself because love attracts love, and when you accept yourself, you love yourself.
If, as you grow and change, as is inevitable in life, some of your close relationships fade or cease, it’s OK. They were in your life at just the right time and now their time is up, and vice versa. Now it’s time for you to let new energies come into your life. If you are having a hard time with this idea, ask yourself why you have a desire or need to surround yourself with people who don’t accept you? People who we no longer feel close to are not bad people and we are not bad people, it’s just that both parties begin to realize that the relationship is no longer serving either of you. While this is a sad transition and one worth grieving for a short, short time, it is important for you to begin creating an environment for you to actually love what you’re doing and who you are.
The people who may not vibe with how you are growing are great teachers because they show you the kind of people you do and do not want to include in your “space.” There is no good or bad here, as people who aren’t accepting aren’t trying to hurt you on purpose and vice versa, it’s just that your personalities and beliefs don’t really vibe or enhance growth anymore. It is similar to the process we experience through our school years. We attend Primary School and we make friends with people who are purposely there to help us evolve and enjoy our childhood, and then we graduate to Highschool where we meet new friends. We may stay in touch with the Primary School friends, the ones we still feel a connection with, but we are also letting go of some friends so that new ones can come in. Then we graduate to College and the same process happens. This is also the case for when you get a new job, move to a new city, start down a different career path. As part of the growth process, you will move forward from and invite in new people into your life to help you flourish as a person, and to have fun!
Always set yourself up for success. Set yourself up in an environment that makes you feel good deep in your core, in your soul, an environment that makes it a little easier to tell those insecurities of yours to take hike. We all have insecurities, it seems to be in our nature, but that doesn’t mean we have to let them rule our lives or that we have to focus on killing the fears to the death, but rather, we work with them, build a stronger core, push ourselves past our comfort zones, see what we’re really worth, see how much power we really have within, and we shine. Always reach for the better feeling, even if you’re feeling super low, slowly work your way up the ladder to the next low, but higher feeling, until you feel good. We are always doing the best we can in any given situation at any time, with all of the feelings, thoughts, emotions, and external circumstances happening all at once. If you make a mistake or feel bad about yourself, don’t beat yourself up about it, look at it, learn from it, only take the lesson, and leave the rest, and keep going with your new found understanding based on what you experienced.
Be brave and notice how brilliant you are, right in this moment, in the smallest and biggest ways. Those are the things that will make you shine brighter every day. And those insecurities, they can take a seat on the bleachers and watch the inspiring performance that is your life.
What a show! I’m throwing bright red roses on your stage as you read! J
Lots of Love,
Lianda
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